Pray like you mean it!!!!!!

So my birthday is over and I am now closer to 40 then I ever thought I would be. Aughuagh.. The shear thought of it makes me just want to throw up my hands and say okay when do I get my new body??? Oh yeah not until Heaven. Seems so far away. So Scott and I have been working on having a baby. I know many of you who read this are close enough to us, I am not telling you anything you don't already know. But I woke up this morning and thought... Why am I not praying like he is going to answer? I mean pray like God this is your promise and desire for us. To increase our number and multiply.
I went to Glory babes (changed the name so it won't show up on the internet) because Wendy wanted me to. Of course this is a for sure step into (hello my name is tina nickel and I have a problem). Now, no one understands but the few who are walking this road with me. It's a support group for women who have miscarriages and are dealing with infertility. So Wendy talks me into going for another friend who is having troubled times but so much worse off then Scott and I. She let's me know she will be about thirty minutes late. GREAT!!!! I get to go by myself. So I go to support her and it was tough. My fear was someone would ask me the worse question "Why are you here?" HELLO>>>>> what is Glory babes people? So then the second worse thing that would happen someone i know is there from a class I am in at church. NICE! She mentions to me..."Hi, we were hoping you guys wouldn't be in this class." YEAH US TOO!!! But as I am sitting there going.. why am I here.... I see my friend walk in and we make eye contact. I see her need for someone to understand and then this guy starts sharing his heart. Oh, I about lost it! Then the leader starts to speak and her words are so comforting. My heart warms with her sweet care and understand of the pain I am feeling. How every month it's a loss and there is no comfort but a small hope for the next month. She mentions how there are pains that are real when you find out you are not and then a friend calls about how she just found out she is pregnant. Ouch!!! You look in a People Magazine and every person has a baby or two. You walk through the grocery store and there are mothers with there babies just smiling away at YOU!
So she nails it, right! I am like wow!! I go over to my friend and we hug.. a very long time. There were three of us who were dealing with the same issue. We shared our pains and views. The leader came over and she listened. She was super sweet. I guess I knew I was suppose to be there. I love my friend. I guess my pride was just so strong I didn't want to believe or stop believing Scott and I can have children. Life deals us all different hands. I am wondering what miracle baby he has for us, that is taking so long.
I long for this child. I sing and pray. I read Hannah's prayer and I vow to God this child will make a differents and be a mighty warrior for your kingdom. Yet, I don't know if I mean it! I want this child for myself. To hold and love. Share memories, take to school, teach to read! But do I want this child for God's purpose or my own. HMMMMMM.... I guess it's God who knows my heart. I need to show him I am a good example. I haven't been reading, studying and challenging myself. Have I already given up? What motivates me to do His will or just sit around waiting for him to finally say... aahhahhhh... she isn't going to lead this child. How can I pray like I mean it. Live like I mean it! Worship like I mean it... Even when I am painfully upset with God. I can't. I need to pray God will show me to release this anger and love Him through this time. I know... this is not the path God wants me on.
Scripture does not clearly state God's purpose in creating the universe, we must be careful not to presume that it was done solely for human benefit. There is no room for false pride. We are pilgrims not tourist in this world. Here is a good quote "We might also recognize that God has called us to lives of difficult paradox, of painful negotiation between conflicting and competitive values, of seeking to cooperate with God wherever he is at work. Such a position, full of ambiguity and irony, is also full of faith and hope" Romans 8:37 This is a faith that God can be trusted and honored even when the way is dark and confusing, and a hope God works all things together for the good. (Christianity Today)
I keep holding my Saviors hand.

Scott's Birthday Bash!

Scott was very surprised at who all was coming over to our house. It was great to have so many people show up. We had a lot of people we hadn't seen in a long time and others whom we love. It was a great night of lots of kiddos and lots of laughter. I love watching others value my sweet husband. He is a great husband.

Nickel for your Thoughts on Dad's Stay

So when we were confronted with my father's health issues about three months ago. After he was put in a nursing facility, it was a scary thing for all of us. We truly found out what kind of condition they were living in and how things were not good. With Dad having had brain surgery and now a hip replacement, it's good we are finally going to have people caring about these two individuals. Tomorrow we go to the Doctor and then over to the house to visit with a social worker.
The good news is Laura is getting her surgery for her back and this might help them a ton on getting back to a normal life. But the social worker did state its good to have something in place for when someone goes down again that they can come directly back to their house instead of having to go to a nursing facility or to our house.
We are in special need for Laura to understand the importance of dad being on medicade. She is in control of his money and it's her decision. I pray she will allow him to live a normal life with care at home. This is what she has been fighting for but yet she is fighting it with not wanting him to be on Medicade. Seems ironic.
This week is much better then last. Dad is able to do more and his home health care is over this week as far as his therapy here. Last week it was just so awful because neither Scott or I felt appreciated. Dad wanted to go home and had a long talk with Laura and things are much better now.
I put this tree picture up because sometimes I feel like dad has lost so much of himself. This tree had a large branch break off from a storm recently. Everyday I walk by it to get the mail and never really paid attentions until one day a long branch stuck out like a sore thumb. Then I saw all these little branches starting to grow where the tree was missing branches. It was healing itself. I saw this little branch growing where the old one was and it reminded me.. it's just going to take time to grow. Dad needs more time to grow back his strength and gain what he has lost. Thanks Nature and God for reminding me there is still hope when so much is taken away.

Happy Fourth of July

Fourth of July was a long day. Traveling home from Colorado and then going over to Scott's Aunt's house. We shot off Fireworks and had fireworks shot on us by their neighbors. Great food and great fun even though I was super tired.
Found out Dad is being taken to a rehab center thought maybe he was headed to our house but since things are so bad for him because of the hip replacement they feel it's best he go to the home. I hope we can care for him when he starts feeling better. Lots going on and hoping to follow God's leading.. Grandma is now in HUD housing and has some assistance. I hope she is happy in Newton closer to her kids. Family is so important. I pray I will honor my father and mother the best I can.

Shockwave

It was my first tournament with these girls and we had a great time learning to work together. They are so much fun. We actually won more then I thought they would and the pitchers did outstanding. I had a blast with the girls. We became a strong team this weekend just wish some coaches would have been there to see them. Great tournament. Love these girls! So much fun!

Sports Camp in Africa!!! 930 kids loved on!

Kenya! Bring the LIght!

Going to Africa as a team leader was very rewarding. We had such a great experience of just loving on these kids and teachers with our VBS. But the most rewarding time was going into the homes of these wonderful Africans and bringing them light by cutting an opening in the roof then putting a plastic cover on it to keep rain from getting in. It was amazing sharing the GOSPEL with these people and then seeing the light transform their home. I will be forever touched with hope and love Missions of Hope gives to the people of the Slums. Mary and Wallace have done an incredible job making sure people are being helped. It's an amazing journey to be partners with them. God is so good to allow us Americans the opportunity to be apart of something so important to Him. God loves us all so much! I am in awe of God.

Heights Softball 09'

My goodness how time flies. The softball season is coming to a close we won our regional and I was very proud of our girls. Heights softball has been very fun for me this year. We actually have a really fun group of girls. Ashlea and Charolette are our seniors and they have done a great job of pushing for a regional win. We go to State this next weekend. We play Olathe East first round and it will be interesting to see how our girls do.
Congrats my sweet girls! Pray we come back with great play and have fun up in KC.

A Song for Africa

I was so hoping to bless others last night and I got blessed the most. My husband happens to be the greatest man on the planet and he is my hubby! Love it! Last night I was feeling a little discouraged over the day events and just spending some quality time with him before the concert helped calm my nerves. As my husband was praying in the parking lot when I looked up and my father and step mother arrived to the coffee shop, my heart skipped a beat as I was thankful they came. Even though there has been rough times with them lately it was a joy to see them there supporting our cause. Dad looked tired and yet Laura looked strong. I often wonder how she has the strength sometimes. I am not giving up hope my father will understand who God is and how God can love him. It's my miracle prayer and I will not give up on my God's love for my father.
The songs went smoothly and the concert seemed well received. We raised a ton of money for our trip. It was a blessing to just see how God touched the hearts of those who were there.

New Camera and Softball Season

We are very excited to have our new golden canon camera. It's small and takes amazing pictures. So we will start loading more pics very soon. Yeah!!!!

Softball season is going well. Our JV team has gotten smaller but very managable. With music concerts and grades kids have been falling behind and most of my JV kids had to play both C and JV it was four games a week. Scott and I have enjoyed the kids but we are glad it's coming to a close. May has been super busy. Varsity is 12-4 for the season and is in third place in League. We should have a good Regional and hopefully go to State again.

Kenya Trip is coming up very soon and we are so looking forward to hanging out with kids in the two villages we will be going to. We will be working in two communities: Mabatini and Mathare North. We plan to show the Jesus File, bring some light, conduct a VBS and have some sports and games with the children. It's going to be so amazing!!!!

Spring is Here!

Scott and I are staying busy with getting prepared for our trip to Kenya, Softball games at Heights and getting our yard work done. Scott's job is going well and he has finally gotten some work, he got 6 months ago. He is helping me coach the JV team at Heights and he has done a great job lovin on the kids. We always have fun together.

We have decided, I am going to start working with a program called Shockwave. They are a softball organization and I will be a head coach. I will receive pay for the season and we plan on continuing our program throughout the school year. It's a club team for WSU and it's to promote WSU softball. I am very excited about the opportunity to help promote kids to get them to the next level!

Also, we are going to have a fundraiser at a coffee shop May 14th and I will be singing some orginial songs. I am very excited about this because we have a celloist and violinist with us. It's going to be amazing. God is so good.

Feb19th-March 19th Where did it go??

So Scott and I enjoyed a great time on Valentines day in Kansas City with our friends and cell group. After this time I can't tell you what happened with any of our friends because we were consumed with my Father's health.
Feb 27th my I received a call around 12:30 stating my father was on his way to St. Joe Hospital. On arrival, I found my father in deep desperation and thankfulness for my being there. He said he fell and as I looked at his head there was dry blood and I was a little confused. He then mentioned he fell on Tuesday and it was Friday. I started getting very concerned. He told me the whole story and was sent to ICU for the next four days. For three days we talked about his hopes and dreams of living a better life. He seemed to be very off balanace and dizzy. He talked about being fuzzy and this really concerned me. The doctors and nurses recommended skilled nursing and rehab treatment. So, I explained to dad what needed to be done and he agreed to go to the rehab center. He spent 13 days in the rehab center and things seemed to be improving little by little. He was getting frustrated and wanted out of the rehab center but he still had a few more days left. I had already planned to go with Scott's family to Colorado on a ski trip and my brother, sister and aunt's told me I should still go. So we went to Keystone. I don't remember the first day of skiing much because I got a phone call at 5:30 in the morning from a nurse stating my father had fallen again. He hit his head and had no idea who he was or what day it was at the time. They said if it doesn't improve they are going to take him to St. Francis. While on the slopes I get called and they did transfer him and were planning on doing surgery. With me being the "power of attorney" I was called around 11:30 and asked what I wanted to do. They wanted to put a tube in his brain to drain the blood out which was causing some swelling. They mentioned ventilator and machines. I got nervous. I knew dad had told me he didn't want to be put on a machine and if he goes let him go. I was conflicted but knew the right thing to do was try the surgery. I hung up the phone and called my brother. No answer! Aughaughuah. Within seconds he called back. I was in shock and told Troy what happened all the while sitting on a lift with Scott and his parents. I was crying and helpless. Troy encouraged me, I did the right thing. He explained the tubes and machine were just there to help him through the surgery and they were aware of his wishes not to be on life support. I took a deep breath and tried to keep my composure. One hour later, the surgery was completed and they felt like everything went smoothly. I was thankful and relieved but we still had to wait and see what he was like when he woke up. I asked our Pastor and great friend Roger London to please visit him since I was in Colorado. My wonderful friend Wendy went up to see him. Both friends giving great reports back to me he was very clear in his thinking. We finished our weekend with Scott's parents and drove home on Tuesday. By Wednesday Dad was clear he was going home. I was not convinced even though he was talking without repeating and seemed to be very aware of who had just seen him. I had talked with the nurses and they said he would probably go back to the Rehab Center. But within hours dad was calling me to tell me he was going to be released today and to stop talking with nurses. He didn't want me involved, he did not want to go back to the rehab center and that was that! I felt guilt, anger, doubt, fear, hopelessness and rage. How could he treat me like this when I have been caring for him for the past two weeks non-stop? PTL one of my friends was with me and she made a few calls. She set me up with a strong woman of faith to meet that day. We talked and I cried. She encouraged me to keep honoring my father and showing him who Jesus wants us to be for him. I remembered it wasn't about me and my hurt it was about showing dad love. Even when he is not welcoming my thoughts or my actions. I will show him love. A few minutes later I called laura and found out she wasn't going to take him home because she had already taken her pills. I was asked to go pick him up. So everything in my human flesh wanted to say no and try to get him into a facility. I knew my father's wishes and I had to honor them. I picked him up and he was so thankful and humbled. I think it was at that time he knew I was there for him. He knew I wasn't trying to hurt him or go against his will. But he still wasn't convinced that I hadn't caused his long delay in getting home. After several days of phone calls trying to understand what I had done in those 2 weeks. I was blamed for messing up their insurance, losing hearing aides, writing notes that did not exist, causing issues with him not being able to cash a check because I had his license. All of this caused me to go deeper into myself with frustration of helping him at all. Then Scott and I got a glimpse of hope. We had something happen which caused all of this to seem worth it. After a brief conversation about this hope, my father called me one afternoon and apologized. He had come to the realization if he hadn't have been in the rehab center he might not have been alive today. He thanked me for taking care of him and for all I had done. He finally found his hearing aid, his insurance stuff was figured out and I gave him back his license. I feel like I was hit by a tornado but the difference is God put all the pieces back together as if it had never even hit. The only reminder is the healing in my heart for my father. I am thankful for my husband throughout this whole deal. He conversed, cried, held me tight, became angry when I was angry, he became my protector, he honored me in helping my father and he loved me. Where did it go? The time? Somewhere in History when my oh so distant family became so close and dear to me. My sister, brother and aunts showed me compassion and love. I want to thank them for being there for me through this time.

Breck Ski trip!!!

Scott and I went with several couples skiing. We had an absolute blast! It was such a joy to go with great friends who all get along so well. We only had a few mishaps with one guy taking off with another girls boots and his ski's keep coming off. It was hilarious! She had a pretty big wipe out on hers though and didn't ski much more the rest of the weekend.
We had a cabin on the side of peek 10 and if you don't really understand Peek 10 is mostly blues and blacks. Which means really difficult slopes. So in order to ski in ski out. You had to take trails out of the cabin through the trees onto a green. Green is super easy!! So going out wasn't too bad but going back in was crazy!!! We had to go through three football fields of trees to get back to our cabin and it was very hilly and fast. I missed our trail one time and ended up crashing where my husband told me later he had to pee the day before. (I didn't see any yellow snow though.) LOL. But this leads me to the day the boys tried to find a good trail back to our cabin. We watched as they all three boys went exploring only to find themselves stuck in a creek. It was hilarious watching them get out of it. I have to say my Scott was victorious and looked like he knew what he was doing. The other boys were just comical, crawling on hands and knees to get out of the creek.
We stayed at a great place that had it's own private hot tub. That was really great! It was a great vacation just missed my nephew as I saw all these little boys and girls skiing down the slopes.

Time with Friends and Friends who love their guns.

Jan my friend from Iowa came through after visiting in Colorado and we had a great time with her boys and Dog "Lucy". It's so good to have friends for a life time. Jan and I have been friends since 1997 and it was awesome to get with her and just be real. I love her down to earth talks. She always makes things make sense to me and her love for God is so amazing and faithful.

Matt, David and Jeremy are part of our friends who are really into hunting and collecting guns. Some of their girlfriends and girls wanted to have a day of shooting lessons. We offered our farm to have them come shoot some targets. The boys taught us how to load and shoot the guns. I was amazed at how many guns these boys were packing. I guess they like to play guns even after they have out grown the toy ones. It was fun to shoot the guns but I can tell you neither Scott nor I are into guns. Scott has a shotgun for hunting and that's about it. It did make for some cool pics.