Movement towards Trusting HIM

So, the joy of the Lord is my strength! The JOY of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the LORD is my strength. "Scott could you help me out of this chair, please?" LOL. I am gonna make it! This week is a tough week because it's work in the mornings, work in the afternoon, and two work nights. After this week and after one more month, I will finally rest a little more. My goal is make it to May.
Softball is starting and we are going to be go go go going. I sit on a bucket most of practice. It's the best thing for me to do. I feel like I am helping the girls understand the reasons they do things and helping them get over their fear of diving. The I go home and I have fears. Hmmmm. I tell them you can do it! They try and don't succeed and I tell them but at least you tried and you didn't get hurt. They look at me with pride and a little more courage then the last time they tried. Each day getting better and being more confident. But softball doesn't always teach you life lessons.
Can I relate it to pregnancy? I guess I can. We are thirteen weeks away from this moment. I am so excited to be a mom. But what if??? and how can I ??? how much??? But God says in Matthew 6. Don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has worries of it's own. Each day has troubles. "But God I am running out of clothes that fit and I am getting huge" Don't worry about what you will wear. So I trust in what he says and I dive in with my big o'belly to catch what he is trying to tell me. Maybe I am not doing stuff so well right now but I am trying. Trying to trust in him and trying to focus on what His plan is for these beautiful children.
Right now it's been hard because so many of my friends are trying to have children and can't. Or have had miscarriages. So my big body is just a reminder to them they aren't where I am. It's tough to relate to people who don't understand how happy you are but at the same time, how miserable you feel. Your body is changing so rapidly and you are happy but sad at the same time. It's a roller coaster of emotion. It's like being in junior high and your body is not changing as quickly as everyone elses and you feel left out or different. Oh God ... the Joy of the Lord is my Strength. Well, at least with tears flowing down my checks, I feel a bit of relief even if I don't have girlfriends to understand. I have HIM! He understands what it's like to be in a body in which, there are so many emotions he had never felt before. He understands the most important thing is to bring LIFE. To bring it abundantly! Thanks Lord for allowing me to feel, to hurt, to be joyous, to be overwhelmed, to feel unworthy and yet to feel so loved!